Guest blog: Carla Wu — Such is life

YUEYANG, HUNAN — My friend, Carla Wu {吴双), wrote this last week in her Qzone. I’ve taken the liberty of translating it (with a lot of help from Google Translate!) and reposting it here.

You can see the original here.

Such is life. We not only cannot change the past, we cannot predict the future. Up to now, I still cannot believe, but it is already the case, and suddenly it is so. No accidents, no remorse, no discomfort, no resistance. I have it accepted all with calm, and even faint excitement.

Photos of my hospitalization have been published before, and just-after-surgery photos have also, but here are a few pictures from the end of it.

Carla-black dressThis one (left) should be just after recovering from chemotherapy. It had not yet finished off my hair. (Hard to keep one’s hair rooted in one’s head. This feeling is actually not a very good memory, not just one, but another one, and another one — looking at my fallen hair, I found that it was like in a horror film.) On this day, the sun was very good, I feel okay and on my own went down the corridor. Who could know? It’s not long, but I went to the bathroom, got inside and fainted to the ground. I felt like I’m dying, slowly leaning on the wall, not calling out for help, gradually my effort and awareness faded, and then I went down . Perhaps many people expected as much, and I was lucky, the hospital doctors and nurses came quickly, and afterward I slowly woke up. However, when the camera took this image, I did not know this would happen; then I was still very happy, finally being brought into the sunlight.

This is in the hospital (right), many of my friends came to see me. Looking at these photos I know just how bad a state I was in. I did not comb my hair, the cabinets were not organized, messes everywhere. The day after National Day [Oct. 1], my state was not good, because of the effect of the drugs. Before this, I had not eaten for several days, even had no strength to speak. At noon, several classmates came and I ate a few mouthfuls of porridge. When this photo was taken in the afternoon, I barely was able to sit propped up and say a few words, almost all my energy was spent. But my heart was still very happy. During hospitalization, I got a lot of encouragement and help from many friends, it was a great comfort and satisfaction. I can’t thank you each one by one, please forgive me.

Carla-home1This is the picture (far left) after I was discharged home. My hair has completely fallen out, I can only rely on a hat to cover it. It appears as if I will be home for awhile, albeit temporarily.

Carla-home2This one at left is after I was home for a few days, my spirit and body are recovering well, and I began putting on weight.

Carla-home3This is a recent photograph (right). Hunan weather has begun to enter a random pattern, 28-29 degrees yesterday and today suddenly only 9-13 degrees. We cannot know how to dress, for summer and winter weather come in random alternating patterns. Anyway, I have all the equipment to spend the winter. Secretly I will tell you that I have successfully gained 10 kg [22 pounds].

The cut leg muscles are slowly healing, although up to now, the wound is still numb. I see the scar, but I also try to remember the pain. Although movement is no longer so easy as it was in the past. I still feel that without a wheelchair or crutches, this battle is a particularly happy thing. I now drink bowls of bitter stuff every day[1], I hate it, suffering terribly. It’s extremely difficult to drink. Moreover, the most painful thing is that many, many delicious foods I can no longer eat.

So be it, now I have to wash down my medicine.

[1] Carla is referring to the Traditional Chinese Medicine a doctor in her hometown has prescribed, to help her deal with nausea and weakness caused by the chemotherapy. As of today, Carla is back in Changsha for another round of chemo. When I chatted with her this morning, she was doing well.







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