Guest blog: Carla Wu — Such is life

YUEYANG, HUNAN — My friend, Carla Wu {吴双), wrote this last week in her Qzone. I’ve taken the liberty of translating it (with a lot of help from Google Translate!) and reposting it here.

You can see the original here.
———-

Such is life. We not only cannot change the past, we cannot predict the future. Up to now, I still cannot believe, but it is already the case, and suddenly it is so. No accidents, no remorse, no discomfort, no resistance. I have it accepted all with calm, and even faint excitement.

Photos of my hospitalization have been published before, and just-after-surgery photos have also, but here are a few pictures from the end of it.

Carla-black dressThis one (left) should be just after recovering from chemotherapy. It had not yet finished off my hair. (Hard to keep one’s hair rooted in one’s head. This feeling is actually not a very good memory, not just one, but another one, and another one — looking at my fallen hair, I found that it was like in a horror film.) On this day, the sun was very good, I feel okay and on my own went down the corridor. Who could know? It’s not long, but I went to the bathroom, got inside and fainted to the ground. I felt like I’m dying, slowly leaning on the wall, not calling out for help, gradually my effort and awareness faded, and then I went down . Perhaps many people expected as much, and I was lucky, the hospital doctors and nurses came quickly, and afterward I slowly woke up. However, when the camera took this image, I did not know this would happen; then I was still very happy, finally being brought into the sunlight.

me-Carla
This is in the hospital (right), many of my friends came to see me. Looking at these photos I know just how bad a state I was in. I did not comb my hair, the cabinets were not organized, messes everywhere. The day after National Day [Oct. 1], my state was not good, because of the effect of the drugs. Before this, I had not eaten for several days, even had no strength to speak. At noon, several classmates came and I ate a few mouthfuls of porridge. When this photo was taken in the afternoon, I barely was able to sit propped up and say a few words, almost all my energy was spent. But my heart was still very happy. During hospitalization, I got a lot of encouragement and help from many friends, it was a great comfort and satisfaction. I can’t thank you each one by one, please forgive me.

Carla-home1This is the picture (far left) after I was discharged home. My hair has completely fallen out, I can only rely on a hat to cover it. It appears as if I will be home for awhile, albeit temporarily.

Carla-home2This one at left is after I was home for a few days, my spirit and body are recovering well, and I began putting on weight.

Carla-home3This is a recent photograph (right). Hunan weather has begun to enter a random pattern, 28-29 degrees yesterday and today suddenly only 9-13 degrees. We cannot know how to dress, for summer and winter weather come in random alternating patterns. Anyway, I have all the equipment to spend the winter. Secretly I will tell you that I have successfully gained 10 kg [22 pounds].

The cut leg muscles are slowly healing, although up to now, the wound is still numb. I see the scar, but I also try to remember the pain. Although movement is no longer so easy as it was in the past. I still feel that without a wheelchair or crutches, this battle is a particularly happy thing. I now drink bowls of bitter stuff every day[1], I hate it, suffering terribly. It’s extremely difficult to drink. Moreover, the most painful thing is that many, many delicious foods I can no longer eat.

So be it, now I have to wash down my medicine.

[1] Carla is referring to the Traditional Chinese Medicine a doctor in her hometown has prescribed, to help her deal with nausea and weakness caused by the chemotherapy. As of today, Carla is back in Changsha for another round of chemo. When I chatted with her this morning, she was doing well.

生活就是这样,既无法改变过去,又无法预知未来。我到现在,我都还不敢相信,已经是这样了,突然就这样了。没有意外,没有悔恨,没有难受,没有反抗,我平静的接受了所有,甚至还有隐隐的兴奋。
住院前的照片都已经找不到了,刚做完手术后的照片也已经找不回来了,发几张后面的图片吧。
这应该是刚接受化疗后的照片,刚刚开始从化疗的状态中开始恢复,还没掉完头发呢。(看着自己辛苦留下来的长发,一根根脱离脑部,这种感受其实不是很好受的,不是一次性,而是一根一根,一把一把的掉,看着自己掉下的头发,发现,恐怖片也不过如此。)那天阳光很好,我自我感觉还行就自己走到了走廊上。谁知,没多久,不过去了趟洗手间,从里面出来就晕倒在地上。我知道自己快不行了,扶着墙壁慢慢走,想呼唤也怎么也发不出声音,渐渐没了力气和意识,然后就倒下去了。也许,很多人就这样意外了,我很幸运,医院医生护士很尽职,一番慌忙过后我就慢慢醒了。不过,在拍照的时候我还不知道会这样,那时还是很高兴的,终于可以重见天日。

这是在住院期间,很多朋友都过来看我。后来看照片我才知道,我那时的状态多么糟糕,头发也没梳,柜子也没整理,到处乱糟糟的。那天,刚好是国庆节,我的状态并不好,由于药物的作用,还是觉得很难受,在这之前,已经连续好几天没有吃过东西,连睁眼说话的力气都没有。中午,几个同学过来,喝了几口白粥。拍照的时候已经是下午了。撑着身子坐着,勉强和他们说几句话,几乎耗费了全部的精力,不过,心里还是很高兴。住院期间,得到了很多很多朋友的鼓励和帮助,实在是一个很大的安慰和满足,就不一一感谢了,请自觉对号入座。

这是出院回家后的图片了,头发已经掉光,只能靠帽子来遮掩。看上去,好像状态还好,回家了嘛,尽管只是暂时的。

这个时候应该是回家有几天了,精神和身体都恢复得很好,又开始发胖了。

这是最近的照片。湖南天气又开始进入了随机模式,昨天还28,29度,今天突然就只有9到13度了,我们只能重新开启乱穿衣模式,冬夏季节随意交替的感受不好啊。不知道别人是什么状态,反正我的冬天装备已经全部用上了。偷偷告诉大家,我已经成功增肥了10斤。

腿上切掉的肌肉也慢慢长起来了,尽管到现在,伤口的一边还是麻木的,没有知觉的。尽管到现在,我看到疤痕,还会回想起当时的痛苦。尽管,行动再也不如以往那么方便。我还是觉得,不用坐轮椅拄拐仗是一件特别幸福的事情。这是我现在每天都要喝几碗的东西,我恨死它了,苦得要命,难喝至极。而且,最痛苦的莫过于,好多好多好吃的我都不能吃了。
就这样吧,我又得喝药了

Possibly Related Posts:

Leave a Reply

  

  

  

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

WP Facebook Auto Publish Powered By : XYZScripts.com