What fools these mortals be 2

JISHOU, HUNAN — Just to be clear, I am not Satoshi Nakamoto. Nor do I write for Newsweek.

Under the circumstances, these are both good things.

Dorian Sakamoto also says he is not Satoshi Nakamoto. He’s the 64-year-old Californian who Newsweek says is the man responsible for the Bitcoin technology. Dorian, who was born Satoshi in Japan, told The AP he doesn’t even know what Bitcoin is. (He called it Bitcom.)

Here’s the short version of this Shakespearean comedy.

Bitcoin was invented in 2008-9 by an anonymous programmer going by the name Satoshi Nakamoto. He identified himself as 38 years old and living in Japan. His true identity was unknown even to his closest collaborators on the Bitcoin protocol.

Newsweek, which has just been brought back from the dead, made its re-premiere cover story an exposé of the “man behind Bitcoin,” asserting he is Dorian Prentice Satoshi Nakamoto, a naturalized American citizen living in a nondescript neighborhood of Temple City, California.

The reporter who tracked him down, Leah McGrath Goodman, pored through public records, contacted Bitcoin developers, former associates and family of Dorian Nakamoto, and even obtained his email address from a business in the UK. Dorian likes model trains, and he orders from there frequently.

[Shakespeare at this point would have both Satoshis fall in love with Goodman, who meanwhile falls in love with a donkey, whom she believes really created Bitcoin. The donkey, however, is actually a pizza delivery guy from Santa Monica who ate some bad cheese.]

The evidence is largely circumstantial, and D. Nakamoto gave little information to Goodman to confirm he has anything to do with Bitcoin. But Goodman and her editors stand by their story.

Then, a person using the same email account used by Satoshi Nakamoto in 2008-9 posts in a forum that he is not Dorian Nakamoto. And Dorian himself sits down with an AP reporter and also categorically denies he is the Bitcoin Nakamoto.

So, we are either witnessing a total embarrassment for the resurrected Newsweek, or we’re being played by a seemingly befuddled California retiree. I mean, he could be doing a Columbo on us.

All I know is, I’m not Satoshi Nakamoto. Also, I am not a donkey.

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2 thoughts on “What fools these mortals be

  1. Reply PK Mar 8,2014 1:38 am

    I have to say, this is like my favorite news story of the ENTIRE WEEK. ROFL, as the kids say.

    You get points for weaving in the Shakespeare motif here. 🙂

  2. Reply eljefe Mar 13,2014 5:54 pm

    Thanks. I am awaiting the likely discovery that Newsweek goofed badly, but I suspect we may never know the truth in this matter.

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