Modern vampires suck 5

Modern vampires suck
JISHOU, HUNAN — I’m old enough to remember when vampires were scary, the kind of guys no girl would want to hang out with — unless they really wanted to be both ravished and undead. Now teenage girls swoon over the impossibly sensitive and chaste modern-day vampire guys, who swear off human blood and suck only animal blood. I am surprised PETA doesn’t get on this flagrant abuse of helpless animals, but the animal control folks are tickled pink, I bet. The vampires I grew up with (not literally, mind you) were all versions of the ghoulish Count Dracula from the novel by Bram Stoker — not very pleasant at all. They couldn’t stand sunlight, which could kill them. So they only moved about by night. None of this new-age sparkly effects we see nowadays. They without exception attacked only humans for their blood. Any sex would do, but Dracula in the movies seemed to have a taste for the ladies. And of course the victims, once bitten, would also become vampires. (The sexual connotations here are pretty obvious, but alas lost in today’s abstinence-only vampire ethos. How bloody dull.) They were technically undead, neither alive nor dead, but somewhere ...

Happy Hallowe’en! 6

JISHOU, HUNAN — While you’re searching for that perfect costume, or buying sacks of mini-Snickers for the kiddies, here’s something to think about: some people don’t like Hallowe’en. I mean, really don’t like Hallowe’en. (Hint: They’re the same people who are the first to cry, “There’s a war on Christmas!”) A few weeks ago, right-wing windbags Michelle Malkin and Rush Limbaugh suggested their adoring fans celebrate an “Obama Hallowe’en,” by taking candy OUT of the trick-and-treaters’ bags and telling them that’s what socialism is all about. So funny, these guys. Then, I heard about this lady, from Florida of course, who might be channeling H.P. Lovecraft instead of God. Some tidbits: The word "holiday" means "holy day." But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is "hallow," which means "holy, consecrated and set apart for service." If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer's! Lucifer is a part of the demonic godhead. Remember, everything God has, the devil has a counterfeit. Halloween is a counterfeit holy day that is dedicated to celebrating the demonic trinity of : the Luciferian Spirit (the false father); the ...

Book burning in N. Carolina — bring one o’ them new-fangled Bibles 3

JISHOU, HUNAN — Only in America: a church in North Carolina will hold a book-burning party on Hallowe’en night to immolate “Satan’s Bibles.” Not the books used by Satanists. No indeed, though I reckon you can bring them along. The Amazing Grace Baptist Church intends to toast such “perversions of God’s word” as NIV, RSV, NKJV, TLB, NASB, NEV, NRSV, ASV, NWT, Good News for Modern Man, The Evidence Bible, The Message Bible, The Green Bible, ect. These are perversions of God’s Word the King James Bible. For good measure, the church near Waynesville, NC, also plans to add “Satan’s music” to the pyre. such as country , rap , rock , pop, heavy metal, western, soft and easy, southern gospel , contemporary Christian , jazz, soul, oldies but goldies, etc. and non-Bible books, too : We will also be burning Satan’s popular books written by heretics like Westcott & Hort , Bruce Metzger, Billy Graham , Rick Warren , Bill Hybels , John McArthur, James Dobson, Charles Swindoll , John Piper, Chuck Colson, Tony Evans, Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swagart, Mark Driskol, Franklin Graham , Bill Bright, Tim Lahaye, Paula White, T.D. Jakes, Benny Hinn , Joyce Myers, Brian McLaren, ...
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